This Was a Fair Trial by Guinevere Turner

‘this was a fair trial’

I have enough evidence to know how it would be if you decided to love me forever and follow me to the ends of the earth. It was only a day but the minutia can be stretched into an elaborate daydream. The golden afternoon of you stretched out with your hand on your stomach on the green green grass is what our first century together would be like – blissful, simple, somehow formal and quaint. Your beauty would always surprise me and I will have to look away to conceal my feelings of victory. I will gloat to myself and tease you like a puppy.

The next part of it will be like that first sip of wine we took (a clink and a twinkle in your eyes which maybe means you’ve fallen in love or maybe you’ve just decided you think you know what will make me come). The wine alows me to look you unabashed in the face and tell you lies about how the birds follow me wherever I go and when they chirp that means a lucky moment and if you’re there it means you have to kiss me quick no matter who’s looking. You don’t see any birds but you know what I mean and you do it.

The hours we spent apart that day were sweet for us. That’s what it will always be to be away from me – you will have time to glorify every detail and see if thinking about it just the right way can make a little leap inside and I will have time to imagine laying eyes on you again and that Oh my God it’s her feeling I get when there you are. It’s scary and that’s how it should always be.

While we’re apart I build you up to twenty feet tall, striding over highways to get back to me; you have been telling yourself tales I told you over again to put yourself to sleep and they have turned into songs and legends for you. When we meet again you are larger than life and I have invented stories that last for days and make you ache and smile like the freak child that you are.

I suppose we should test and tiptoe just to make sure but I don’t feel like it. One day was enough.

The part where you fuck me and I laugh like a house on fire is the forever part where oblivious with lust we inch our way off a cliff and the best part of all is falling and screaming and falling with you all the way down.